Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
