so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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