I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize