How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
