I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
