this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
