Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
