she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
