She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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