my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize