The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
