Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize