Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
