Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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