Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
