So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
