I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
