If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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