We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
