fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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