i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
