You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
