Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
