thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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