He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize