The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
