one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
oh god was she eating orange peels again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
