Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
