I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
