I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
