i already hear my dad disowning me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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