I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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