Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize