There is no way he is gay with that hair.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
