Cold hands, warm shart.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
