the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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