He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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