is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
