Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
