We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
