Life is so much better after having sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
