so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
