Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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