There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize