C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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