I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
