margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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