I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
