You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
