dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
