is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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