Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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