I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
