and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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