he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
