we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
