i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
