this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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