Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
