What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
love makes seman taste better
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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