I want to walk on stilts...naked
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
