is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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