rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
