3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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