Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
