hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize