my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
