Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
