I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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