They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
