i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize