wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
