I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
