walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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