I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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