I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
