You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
