A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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