even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
