she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
