when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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