Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
