My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
