Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
