I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
