I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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