It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
