And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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