There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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